You have built a successful life but now find that your Illinois marriage has become untenable. The decision to divorce raises many concerns about your future financial situation. If you are a parent, then you will have additional worries about how the split will affect your children. The transition to separate households will be emotionally demanding for everyone. To help your children cope successfully with the divorce, limit their exposure to your conflicts with your ex-spouse.
Shared custody is generally the right thing
Unless you have legitimate fears about your children’s safety while living with the other parent, you should understand that they benefit from ongoing relationships with both parents. You can use this knowledge to help you negotiate a reasonable custody schedule and parenting plan.
You will likely have tough emotions to manage as you transition into shared custody. You may experience separation anxiety when your children are with your ex as well as feelings of guilt about dividing their lives between two homes.
As you process these feelings, keep in mind that children gradually regain peace of mind as they dwell with their parents separately. They no longer have the tension of unhappy parents in their faces. You can nurture this positive outcome by co-parenting in a constructive manner without open hostility.
Insulate children from arguments over assets
Negotiations about how to split your marital assets can make tempers flare. Although your feelings are valid, you should not discuss these conflicts with your children. Do not fight in front of them because psychologists have reported that parental conflict raises the risks of anxiety, depression, and anti-social behavior in children.
Children may feel forced to choose
When parents badmouth each other in front of the children, kids feel like they have to side with somebody. In their minds, someone must be the good parent and the other the bad parent. This situation shatters their sense of safety and peace because children naturally cherish their vision of themselves with both parents.
